Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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