In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
