I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
