____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
