Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
