i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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