My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you didnt know i had herpes?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
