Just cropdusted the office
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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