mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
