hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
