i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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