his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
