I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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