i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
