i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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