Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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