i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
sex in a hospital.. check
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
