Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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