did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
