we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
