I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Randomize
