Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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