There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
