definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
