Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
