I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
