Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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