I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I lost the right to judge tonight
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
