I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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