Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
