would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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