Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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