My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize