dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
