It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
