I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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