Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
