They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
