HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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