This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
