Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
