You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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