Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
