I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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