Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
there is glitter all over my balls
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize