The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
