Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We need to rekindle our bromance
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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