Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
