If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
