am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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