We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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