i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Is it because I queefed?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
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