his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
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