ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
