Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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