you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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