I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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