life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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