she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Panties = found
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