i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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