sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
