AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
