i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
