her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
