My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
