i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
