Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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