I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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