She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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