I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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