He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
