Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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