Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
