can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
