What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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