There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize