garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
