Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
