apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
